So...I wake up this morning with the very prominent thought that I have always had an issue with being told what to do and when...so instead of ignoring it I decided to investigate it! The consistency of turning up for a job everyday and doing the same thing has always been an issue for me, of having to do something at a certain time or on a certain day has never sat well with me! Even the routines that I give myself can have a crushing feeling on me if I don't want to do it that day and force myself anyway!
Some would say this is childhood trauma or something equally damaging that has happened throughout my life but actually I don't remember ever being any other way! As a child my mum frequently 'lost' me as I would just wonder off to investigate something and forget I was supposed to be somewhere else!
But somewhere along the way I stopped listening to what I wanted to do and where my heart wanted to take me and tried to 'fit in' to the 'this is how's its done mentality'. 'You need to do as your told', 'don't rock the boat', with an array of suggestions of ways to do this and my personal favourite 'why can't you just be NORMAL!'
Until this morning it had never really occurred to me that I had been fighting this part of myself...or at least beating myself up for it for quite a while now as I tried to force myself into the 'box' of being consistent and responsible and 'being normal'! And then after watching a bit of Teal Swan (who I love), it occurred to me to start doing what I do in many other parts of my life...and use it to my advantage....instead of seeing it as a 'downside' to my personality, embrace it!
I love to feel free to come and go as I please to not have the time restraints and constrictions of this modern world that we live in, to not have to live by another's rules. I love the spontaneity of just doing something because I want to and it feels good....with no other reason than it lights me up.
And that's what spiritual alchemy is... to see the dark, the shadow, the unloved bits of ourselves and light them up, love them, use them to our advantage and allow our souls to shine the way they were suppose to before we got battered by other peoples ideas of how we should be!
I hope by reading someone else experience it allows you to find a way to love your shadow and the bits you have rejected and use the alchemy you have inside to make EVERYTHING in you bright and an ASSET to who you truly are rather than rejecting it and allowing it to become a dark corner of your life!
With all my love and gratitude for being here